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This is the song Donald Trump is singing now.
IF I PLEAD THE FIFTH, MAN
sung to the tune of “If I Were A Rich Man” from the musical Fiddler on the Roof, with apologies to the estates of Zero Mostel and Jerry Bock.
If I plead the Fifth, man,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
All day long I’d keep things mum,
because I’m a victimized man.
I wouldn’t have to-rehearse hard,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
if I pled a biddy biddy Fifth,
because I’m a victimized man.
I’ve built a biz with prah-per-ties by the dozen.
I’ve done great things for this town!
My fine accountant had IN-teg-ri-ty, I know.
There was one set of books just going up,
and one with numbers going down,
and one more with values, I won’t show.
I’ve filled my companies with greens and towers and clubs
and a school to play and learn,
recording just as profitably as I can,
and each great ca-ching bling bling ca-ching
would be written down just-for-me,
as if to say here is a wonderful man. Oh!
If I plead the Fifth, man,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
All day long I’d keep things mum,
because I’m a victimized man.
I wouldn’t have to-rehearse hard,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
if I pled a biddy biddy Fifth,
because I’m a victimized man.
I saw my REAL estate ful-filling my birthright
with lots of proper bonds and loans,
supervising deals to my heart’s delight.
YOU’RE accusing me and
you’re acting like a witch hunter.
Oh, what an unfair thing you’re doing,
harassing my family day and night.
All the great people came to work with me.
They asked to help ME with building.
They knew I was the expert.
They loved the Trump name.
Oh PLEASE help us.
YOU’RE posing accusations that are wrong in my eyes.
lah eeh eeh a rah rah
And here we have a big, big difference, because I know you’re WRONG.
When you’re me, they’re jealous of all you do.
If I plead the Fifth, I’d assert my RIGHTS,
and run for president again,
and maybe be-able-to build my WALL.
But I won’t discuss my books with prah-se-cu-tors seven hours every-day.
They’re doing the most unjust thing of all. Oh!
If I plead the Fifth, man,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
All day long I’d keep things mum,
because I’m a victimized man.
I wouldn’t have to-rehearse hard,
yah dee yah dee yah dee yah
dee yah dee yah dee yah dum
So who made this evil, evil scheme?
You decree I can’t have the American Dream.
Would you leave my family and me alone?
You’re taking an outrageous tone!