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Book of the Week

Getting Stoned With Savages

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The Book of the Week is “Getting Stoned With Savages, A Trip Through the Islands of Fiji and Vanuatu” by J. Maarten Troost, published in 2006.

According to the book (which appeared to be credible although it lacked an extensive list of detailed sources, and an index), Vanuatu is a nation in the South Pacific that includes about eighty islands. It has nine active volcanoes, and mild earthquakes every day. Between November and April, it gets two to three cyclones (called hurricanes in the Atlantic Ocean), annually. Malaria is everywhere on its outer islands. Sharks around its coastal waters are yet another danger about which it can boast.

Vanuatu is a haven for tax cheats and money-launderers, and unsurprisingly has a very, very corrupt government. Its colonial past included the usual exploitation of cheap labor in the sugar and mining industries. In modern times, officials might purchase black-market weaponry from China, and might suffer consequences for trying to assemble their own private militia. They might take bribes in exchange for issuing Vanuatu passports, or lend money to unsavory characters like themselves. If Scotland Yard doesn’t put the kibosh on such activities, Vanuatu’s economy might crash.

Anyway, one can therefore guess correctly that its residents consist of: dark-skinned natives who work in the hospitality / tourism industry, members of the diplomatic-community from its former colonial masters (the British and French), Chinese merchants, Vietnamese laborers, missionaries, Western businessmen, and expatriate consultants in international development.

Vanuatu males spend a large proportion of their leisure time partaking of the mild narcotic called kava. Most westerners would recoil at the repugnant, unsanitary way kava is prepared for consumption. But the author took a liking to it. He and his wife lived on the island of Efate. Radio Vanuatu advised them to prepare for a coming cyclone by acquiring extra water and food. “We’d followed this advice closely and bought a bag of cookies.” The author set out to learn the true nature of Vanuatu’s people by traveling around and talking to them. He wanted to know why they practiced cannibalism.

When the couple moved to Fiji (which had a large population of Indians from India) after waiting for violence to die down after a regime-change— the author subscribed to the deluxe cable TV package. Those three channels featured Bollywood, and sports played mostly in Asia, plus cricket and rugby. “Perhaps I had become corrupted by the ceaseless action of rugby sevens, but [American] football now struck me as an artless spectacle performed by obese men in tights.”

Read the book to learn additional historical and cultural information about Vanuatu and Fiji, what transpired when a centipede stung the author’s feet, and learn the reasons why the couple decided to move yet again.

Speaking of regime change, here’s a little ditty about the current U.S. situation.

SAY GOODBYE TO WASHINGTON

sung to the tune of “Say Goodbye to Hollywood” with apologies to Billy Joel.

Biden’s COVID is much better tonight. He’s all right.
He had a trendy, new var-i-ant.
He’s testing out his-’24, propaganda machine.
It’s a scene of negative sentiment.

Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.
Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.

He’s been enduring ugly smears for a while
and the Right blames him for IN-flation.
They think he’s senile and in den-i-al and they DON’T, want him to LEAD our na-tion.

Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.
Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.

Moving ON, is a way, of-life for those political folks, in D.C. whoa, whoa
There’s never e-NOUGH sup-port, to get the things, you want done,
when times-aren’t ea-sy, aren’t ea-ea-sy.

So many leaders come and go in our times,
some we like, some we don’t want back again.
We always ask, what have you done for us LATE-ly?
We’re afraid, the answer’s in-sufficient.

Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.
Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.

Moving ON, is a way, of-life for those political folks, in D.C. whoa, whoa
There’s never e-NOUGH sup-port, to get the things, you want done,
when times-aren’t ea-sy, aren’t ea-ea-sy.

So many leaders come and go in our times,
some we like, some we don’t want back again.
We always ask, what have you done for us LATE-ly?
We’re afraid, the answer’s in-sufficient.

Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.
Say goodbye to Washington.
Say goodbye, Joe Biden.

(Bye!)

Author authoressPosted on July 28, 2022July 28, 2022Categories -PARODY / SATIRE, History - Non-New York City, Humor, Nonfiction, Personal Account of Journalist or Professor, Sports Topics, Third-World-Country-Victims of War and/or Dictator

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